Saturday, June 23, 2018

Making peace with fences?


In the last couple weeks, I have had the opportunity to watch two kinds of people build fences around their respective homes. On doing so, I made a couple observations that I'd like to share with you. Now, let me be clear, I'm not passing judgment here. And indeed, my own fence building would likely reveal my own “shortcomings” as it were. Although, in my opinion, shortcomings are more of an indication of one's location in their journey, than they are a fault. But that's a story for another time.

So... The most obvious and first observation I made of the two fences, was the way they were facing. The owners of house one, faced their fence with the “good” side toward themselves. While the owners of house two, faced the “good” side toward their neighbors. I found this very revealing of where their sympathies rest and how they view the world.

By facing the good side toward themselves, the first homeowners made it clear that they place themselves first. Especially since the building code states that the “good” side should face their neighbors. They were in such a hurry to put up a barrier from their neighbors that they didn't even bother to check the rules.

Now, I have to be fair, they needed the fence so that their dogs would not jump over the existing chain link fence into their neighbor's yard.

Remember that last bit. You'll see why later.

And.... back to the fence building details. It's also much easier, for construction purpose to face the good side in your own yard. So, this is revealing too. Clearly, doing things the “right” way was an inconvenience for them. Clearly, their time frame was more important to them than being polite. This was also reflected in the fact that they didn't even have the courtesy to wait for the old homeowners to move out before barging in on them to construct their fence. As you may have guessed, I was one of the old homeowners. That's how I know this.

They were in a huge hurry to make the house their own, which frankly, I completely understood. Because while they were putting up their fence, we were patiently and courteously waiting for the former owners of our new house to move on so that we might begin making our new house ours, just as they were making our old home theirs.

Now, the very fact that I highly resented their intrusion, because I was simultaneously being respectful by not intruding on the former owners of our new home is a bit revealing of my own character flaws. In other words, I'm not perfect either.

As you may have noticed, I enjoy studying human behavior, even my own.

Anyway, eventually we left the impatient new homeowners behind and moved on to our new home, where, by coincidence, our new neighbors (previously mentioned as the owners of house two) are also building a fence, also for the purpose of keeping their dog from jumping the existing chain link fence.

But our new neighbors are building their fence very differently.

As I mentioned, first of all, they were facing the good side toward us and their other neighbors. Which, even if it wasn't the law, was very respectful. After all, how likely do you think it is that in a small town with less than 1000 residents, anyone is going to check the fence to see that it faces the right way?

Well. I can tell you that in this particular town, the zoning laws are very loose and there are many, many people who have ignored them for decades anyway. And ironically to my delight, they will likely continue to do so for many years to come. In fact, people here are pretty much free to do things their way as long as no harm comes to others. Hence, the overall charm of this town for me.

Our new neighbors chose to be considerate in their fence construction. They didn't have to. They also didn't have to take the time to tell us that their dogs jump the chain link fence and that's why they're building a fence between us. They especially didn't have to do this on the very first day we moved in, but they did. They also could have banged up their fence rapidly, without care and never spoken to us again, but that's not what they did.

They faced the good side in their neighbor's direction. They took their time building that fence well. And instead of just befriending the one neighbor who took the time to reach out to and assist them, as the first homeowners did, they spoke to all their neighbors before anyone even had time to inquire about what they were doing. The fact that they made the first move combined with the fact that they did the right thing by all their neighbors is impressive in comparison to the other folks, don't you think?

And the thing is, our new neighbors still aren't done with their fence. So when we go outside, we wave at each other. We laugh over the dogs, who still jump the fence occasionally to play with my grand-daughter's dog. And while we're watching them build their fence the right way, the careful way, the courteous way, they're also watching us bring our yard back to life in a similar manner.

It all feels very small town and we're loving it. It's such a contrast to the rush and hurry of city life that we left behind, you know? And there you have the biggest difference in character between the two sets of homeowners. Two very different philosophies in play. First there was the “get it done now, no matter what it takes or who gets in the way and has to be run over” philosophy. Then there is the “take your time, do it right and do it with a smile” philosophy.

Ya, I'm going to like it here. It's my kind of peaceful place.