Thursday, January 26, 2017

New name – New game – Taking the peaceful path

I've been considering this for a while. The “Rants and Raves” blog just isn't serving me well any more. As you can see, I've changed the name to “Peace Path.” Here's why.

Ranting and raving about my pet peeves and triumphs wasn't all bad. I grew and learned a lot by venting my way through life. I gained a lot of ground by releasing all that pent up anger, fear and anxiety. You see, for much of my life, I have let myself be a victim of circumstance. I almost had to get loud for a while to break out of that zone of self pity.

Now, I'm not going to lie and say that I'll never rant about anything again. It was cleansing, to some degree. It has served to bring me to the right intersection. Therefore, I may find it necessary to go there again. Who knows?

And maybe I've always been on the path to peace. I was just on the bumpy part at the beginning. I'm a little further down the road now. I know that it's up to me to shape my destiny. It's never been up to the users, abusers and naysayers of my life. It's always been up to me.

I believe that true peace can only come from a place of love and compassion. That's how it spreads. That's how the world changes and grows. Hatred can never bring peace. Never. A part of me has always known that. But now, well, now it's time for me to act on that premise.

It's not going to be easy to change 57 years of bad decisions or toss the resulting baggage. Plus, I absolutely suck at socialization. Which is a key element for spreading peace. I'm sure there are still a few other rocks in the road as well. And if history is any indication, I'm pretty sure that my destiny is to trip over them and land flat on my face a few more times.

Point is, life's a journey. Cliche? Maybe. OK, definitely. But it's true. So here I go on my quest for peace. The path is clearer to me now, but I'm only human, so if you plan on joining me, keep a look out for falling rocks. You have been warned.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

It's hard not to be negative sometimes

I am on a path to inner peace, for lack of better phrasing. You're not going to find me, legs crossed, hovering in the air like a Goddess or some such because that's not like me. But still, I'd really like to get to a point where I nearly always come from a place of love. Know what I mean? But it's rough, you guys. Because people. Because society. Because struggles. Because life is not a bed of roses all the time. There are lots of those pesky thorns, you know? And the more times you get pricked...

The older I get, the harder it is for me to get past those brambles. I think that's because, the older I get, the more of those pricks I've encountered. Pun intended. I'm tired, you guys. I'm wounded. Crippled even.

I'm especially sick of people being gruff to me for no reason. It annoys me most when it's someone I have bent over backwards, forwards, sideways and upside down to help. And there are a lot of those. Because, I do really try to be nice to everyone.

I don't ever want to make people feel bad. Ever. But after the hundredth time of helping someone and they still just don't get that it's time for them to help themselves and they're being highly unappreciative and inconsiderate and looking at me like I'm a horrible person for telling them so and trying to get a little peace (for myself, for a change) well, it kind of all just comes gushing out.

I love helping people. I like me. I love my family. I don't have an ulterior motive of any kind in my heart and soul. I'm not perfect by any means, but I try to greet each day with a positive outlook, you know?

So, when I start my day whistling a happy tune and someone who I'm making constant sacrifices for (in order to insure their happiness, safety and well being) immediately sucks up all my good energy and inconsiderately throws it in the toilet, well, pardon my language, but I get really, really, really pissed off!

And when they seek sympathy from others for “their” struggles? You know, the ones that are actually my struggles? And then I realize that they have been stuck in the rut of playing the victim and playing me all along. Oh boy! Does that ever rub me the wrong way.

“Are you kidding me right now?”

Ha ha! That was borrowed from my grand-daughter.

But seriously, you guys. Some of this is my fault. Sometimes I help people to the point where they don't feel the need to help themselves. Because if people are not allowed to fall, how can they be expected to learn to pick themselves back up?

They don't have to because they know I will pick them up. You see how it is now?

Which makes mad at myself. Which is worse for my peace of mind than being mad at others, for sure. Can't hide from yourself, after all, can you?

It's hard not to be negative and angry and loud and rude sometimes, you guys. But I'm working on it. I may not get there overnight. And ironically I truly have to tone tone my helper gene a bit. You know, “pull the rug out and let them tumble” and all that.

And I guess it'll have to be a slow process. My peace and their progression into being completely self sufficient. Because, like it or not, these things don't happen overnight. One day though, one day I'll wake up whistling and not have my spirit crushed underfoot. Because I will be in control of my emotions and they will be in control of their lives. Because I have set them free by not helping them so darn much!

I will get there! I will. And so will they. But me first. Because if I don't let them fall...

Man, this is going to be tough!

Walking uphill

The path to inner peace is a rocky one for most of us. We humans are markedly fallible, after all. In my case, I'm no Gandhi. Not even close. Still, I have every intention of living as compassionately as possible. That is if I can get around my own limitations, critical notions, judgmental nature and outrage at society in general.

Most of the time, I find myself walking uphill with my shoelaces tied together. I often trip over my good intentions while diligently searching for an easier route. I don't know if that's human nature, but it's my nature. I truly wish to be a kinder, gentler, more purposeful soul. Maybe I'll get there. Maybe not. Still, I have no intention of quitting.

I know. I am who I am. But that doesn't mean I can't tweak the original. In fact, whenever I have occasion (and time) to read back over my blog posts, I can almost see the evolution of me. I used to be obsessed with point proving. It wasn't even all that long ago. Like maybe a couple weeks. Ha! But seriously, those first rants and raves were pretty intense. Almost insane, actually.

It did help to get it all out there after decades of silence. What does that mean? Hey, maybe I'll tell you that story some time. And what now? And how about in the future? Well, I can't guarantee that I won't lose it here and there. Like I said, it's an uphill climb, this path I've chosen. However, my intention with this blog from this point on is to take a more compassionate stance while scaling those peaks.

Will I stumble? Of course. Will I fall flat on my face sometimes? Undoubtedly. Still, the idea is to point my nose in the right direction, do my best to keep the wind at my back and trudge on. I may get there. I may not. But if I don't at least try, I never will.

Leaving the book of faces, sort of

Hey all. I noticed that a few of my Facebook friends are a bit disappointed at my announcement that I am distancing myself from the Facebook news feed for a bit. I get it. Our voices are important. But my mental health is more important. And really, I'm still around. Just not as up front and personal.

I am going to be more active on my art and writing pages now, so I will still see your notifications. I just can't handle DT and his twisted agenda. I just can't spend my days watching the travesty unfold on my news feed.

I'm HSP and I'm not bragging. I hate that every negative occurrence that I see, hear or otherwise experience digs so deeply into my soul. It makes socialization a living hell at certain times and this is one of those times.

The good news is that I am also one of those people who realizes that my life is of my own creation. Hence the changes I am making. It's self preservation, but it's much more than that. It's a fresh start and a new beginning for me.

I'm happier already and this is just day one.

As I posted this morning, “I'm truly happiest when I keep to myself and work on my art and writing. I may not be what most would consider an expert in either, I just get lucky sometimes, but my humble hobbies (and my solitude) bring me peace.”

We all have to find our peace in this life, after all. And if enough of us are able to do just that, I am confident that the world will be a better place. So, while I may not be shouting my dissent to the rooftops on Facebook, I'm still making a positive impact with my life choices.

Example is and always has been the best teacher. So, I'm working to practice what I preach by projecting peace, love and mental clarity. Everything we say and do impacts the lives of others. So, I'm doing my best to make my words and actions, as well as what I take in, more positive.

So, folks, don't be sad. I'm not really gone. I'm just working on a new, more productive lifestyle. And hey, message me if you need to talk. I'm still your friend. Just living in a different neighborhood. Ha!