Wednesday, April 27, 2016

If you liked it then you should a put a ring on it?

Um, no. No thank you!

Oh my holy crap! I keep forgetting to write this and well, it just ticks me off so much. Not sure how many years it's been since this song came out but I've heard this saying way too many times for sure. You know what pisses me off the most about it? Um, excuse me but I am not an it and neither is any other man, woman or other animal in the universe.

I am also not a possession. And as one of my writer friends reminded me the other day, that pretty little ring has some ugly historical connotations that imply complete and total possession. Those connotations ring loud and clear in that song.

Now, I'm a vegan you guys. Picturing a bull with a ring through his nose bugs me more than just a little. That ring signifies ownership and not in the best sense. And yet, when I hear the phrase “put a ring on it” even from someone well intended, that's exactly how it makes me feel (Used, abused, devalued and taken for granted, like the bull with the ring through his nose.)

I am not here to be dragged around by the nose. I believe in equal partnerships, not those jaded by jealousy and possessiveness. And while I admit that wedding rings can also have beautiful symbolic connotations, that song does not illustrate them at all.

So please, don't do me any favors by insisting that my boyfriend of 9 beautiful, happy years “put a ring on it.” That's not how either of us rolls. We don't need ceremonies and rings to prove that we love and care for each other. And I certainly can do without the suggestion that I must not be valuable or important to him unless he “puts a ring on it.”

I'm not against marriage and if he were to ask my answer would be a resounding yes. Or, I might just ask him, who knows? But it should be our idea and not because we want to take possession, but because we want to be partners for life, which I believe we are anyway, with or without the ring. 9 years kind of speaks for itself, doesn't it?

PS- If you're into the whole wedding thing and you are happy and excited about it, I'm not referring to you. There's nothing wrong with that. It's the spirit of the song/saying that I'm referring to. It's just so archaic and misogynistic. Don't you think?

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