Sometimes, in order to feel at peace, I
have to write about the bones I'm picking. This morning, what's
bugging me is certain other people who want everyone to
behave just as they do.
Recently, I heard, through a very
trusted source that someone thinks I'm a user, due to the fact that
I'm ill and can't work and my husband pays the bills. And to make
matters worse, I have realized that it's because they don't take me
seriously as his wife.
And ya, I get it. I'm much older than
my husband. And he is my common-law husband, not my “real”
husband whatever that means. Maybe on the surface, I don't appear to
be a mother's dearest wish for her son. But I spend most of every
single day doing things for my husband that he does not have the time
or energy to do. Our relationship is a huge part of why he is
monetarily and otherwise successful.
Our relationship is very positive. It
strengthens us both. Neither of us takes advantage of the other. We
both contribute a lot to the relationship. We're both extremely
happy. My husband has no problem supporting me financially because he
knows very well that what I do for him more than justifies it.
And we both know that in the event, and
this event is coming, believe me, in the event that I can no longer
do what I do for him, we will still be together as long as we are
both breathing. Why? Because we love and care about each other.
Our relationship is not based on who
owes who or who does more for who. We're just not those people.
Arghhhh! Has this person never heard the portion of the wedding vows
that refers to staying together in sickness or in health? For richer
or poorer? For better or worse?
Do they not realize that if the
situation were reversed, I would do exactly the same for him? I mean,
for heavens sake, we've been together 11 years. This is not a fly by
night thing. This is permanent!
My husband and I may have never recited
vows in front of our family and friends, but we live them daily. In
fact, I would venture to say that when compared to many people we
know who are “really” married, our relationship stacks up pretty
favorably.
Oh, and another picked bone: If one
more person gossips about how we are enabling the people we love by
being nice to them, helping them, guiding them through their their
struggles, etc.. I think that, as peaceful as I am, I'm going to
punch them straight in the face. Hows that for keeping the peace?
This is our choice. Sure, it can be
frustrating at times. But family is about love. It's about working
together. It's about forgiveness. It's about lending a hand and being
kind and patient. Certainly, no one wants to be taken advantage of.
But turning away someone you love who is in need (or suggesting
someone else turn away someone they love) says a whole hell of a lot
more about the kind of person you are than it does
about how much someone else is
taking advantage or being taking advantage of.
I'm a good person, dammit. I'm going to
keep being kind to people. And my husband is going to keep being kind
to people, me included. We're going to keep being kind to each other.
We're going to smother each other and everyone around us with
kindness, generosity and love whether you like it or not. It's our
life, not yours. #DontJudge #BeNice
Ahhhh …...peace at last.
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