I'm at complete peace with my imperfections

And I have a lot of them. So do you. So do all of us. Because human beings are, well, human. We are inherently imperfect. We can't help it. We can and should try to improve ourselves. Absolutely. But unless we accept and embrace what we believe to be our own imperfections, we will never feel whole.

Why is that? Well, in some ways, that answer is simple. In others, it's quite complex. So, let's begin with simple. There is “good” and “bad” in everything and everyone. That fact creates balance. And balance is necessary for survival. No one is all good or all bad. Taking away our imperfections completely, makes us less than whole.

And now, for the real complications. The terms “good” and “bad” are not easily defined as the definitions are not the same in everyone's mind. So what some people see as your faults, may not be faults to you and the reverse is also true.

Not only that, but “good” can come from “bad” in the form of lessons learned. That renders mistakes and imperfections a catalyst for self improvement.

So, there are times when things seen as your imperfections can be of benefit to you. Imperfections can be strengths or weaknesses, depending on the circumstances.

And what separates you from others? What makes you different? What makes you interesting? Certainly your strengths do. And those strength can be born of either your positive qualities or your perceived imperfections, which are sometimes one and the same.

My imperfections are not evil and unless they involve thoughts, words or actions that do harm, neither are yours. They simply exist. They simply are. That's why I accept my imperfections and yours as well. Now, that is not to say that I will stop working to improve myself or that you should stop working to improve yourself.

It's just that accepting yourself entirely, imperfections included is the only way to begin being the person you wish to be. Change cannot come without first having awareness and acceptance. And that's true, whether you're speaking of the entire universe, the world or just your part of it.

I'm at complete peace with my imperfections as I move forward to make positive changes. Because if I don't know my whole self or allow myself to wallow in shame for the things I am not proud of, how can I hope to make improvements?

A not so peaceful Halloween tale

Night Terrors

Shawna woke to find herself shivering in the bushes. Her dress was torn and muddy. Rain pelted her exposed limbs. Slowly, she became conscious. A chill ran through her as she remembered the events that brought her here. She felt something trickle down her face and realized it was not rain water. Blood was seeping from a gash in her forehead. She couldn't move and didn't dare breathe. He might find her here, crouching in the night shadows like a wounded animal.

Her head was spinning. Her legs, pinned in an awkward position. Shawna remembered twisting her leg as she dived for shelter. She contemplated her situation. Experimentally, she moved and winced with the resultant pain. She wouldn't get far on that leg. Still, the train station was less than a mile away. There would be others there. Witnesses that would prevent him from harming her further. Lights to keep him at bay. Plus, there were the trains. A way out. Perhaps she could make it, traveling from tree to tree to avoid being seen. She had to take a chance.

Shawna knew she must act quickly while she still had the cover of night for protection. Carefully she began stretching in an attempt to return circulation to her other limbs. She rubbed her arms vigorously in an attempt to warm them. Regrettably, the damp night fog had settled into her bones. Shawna's eyes were becoming adjusted to the night. She peered out into the blackness. No sign of him, but that didn't mean anything. He was a creature of the forest. He knew how to remain unseen. Still, there was no other choice. She slithered from her hiding place as silently as she could manage.

Keeping low to the ground, Shawna crept to the nearest shelter. A tree had fallen about ten yards away. She thought that by laying beside it, she might blend in with its spindly shape. Pain shot up her injured leg with every forward movement. She thought about the trail her dragging foot might be leaving for him, but it couldn't be helped. The hounds would smell the blood too. Without hesitation, she tore a strip from her shredded hem. It would have to do. Shawna tied the fabric tightly around her wounded forehead. Then she heard them in the distance.

It was the hounds. At least, she reflected, it was an ironical blessing. She could hear them and that was good. Kent wasn't afraid of her. He could make all the noise he wanted. He was the hunter and she was his prey. He was an animal now. His only thought was to silence her. She knew what he had become. This wasn't her first encounter with the beast. Her fingers instinctively felt for the scar above her right breast. That was where his fury landed the last time. This time it was worse. She was running for her life. Shawna could feel the certainty of death upon her. Its hot steamy breath whispered tauntingly in her ear.

It hadn't always been this way. Once there was laughter and joy. He used to hold her hand and talk of their future together. Then there were wedding bells and a honeymoon trip to Fiji. They would make love for hours, languishing in the sun. The thought of Fiji made her slight body shudder once again. She remembered the eyes of the beast as it chased them through the jungle. Then, her devoted husband sacrificing himself as a decoy so she could get away. They found him days later on the outskirts of town. He was incoherent and covered with long gashes, but alive. Then came the nightmares.

It started on the plane trip home. Kent woke in a cold sweat, fighting animalistic urges she was unaware of. Once they arrived home, it continued to worsen. The nightmares increased in frequency and intensity. Each time she became more and more afraid. Of course, everyone assumed he was traumatized from his experience in the jungle, including Shawna herself. Until he began hurting her. He had become someone else. He had become the very beast he saved her from. He still looked like himself but his eyes betrayed him. She had left her beloved Kent in the jungles of Fiji. The beast had taken his place and he wanted her dead.

The hounds were closer now. Shawna knew she would have to chance using her injured leg if she were to make it out alive. She would need a crutch. She felt around in the darkness until her hand came upon a decent sized fallen branch. She placed the end against the tree for stability. Gingerly, she lifted herself up, wincing in pain. The branch gave a little with her weight. She had no time to find another. It would have to do. One agonizing step at a time, she began her journey. She was jolted from her nightmare when something came crashing toward her through the forest. Shawna fainted and crumbled to the ground.

In her dream, Shawna was running. This time she was the predator. Her prey was alluring. She could smell it's fear. It was young and tender. She longed for the taste of it. The smell filled her nostrils with desire.

She awoke in a sweat. Someone was sponging her forehead. She lay on a bench in the train station. A young man looked into her eyes, inquiringly. He was saying something about running from a beast in the woods and carrying her to the station. Her blood was still hot from the night terrors. The lights burned her eyes. She could still smell her prey. She glanced at the little girl seated next to her and smiled sweetly.

Face-booking on the peace path

Now, maybe you're saying to yourself, “She's joking, right?” After all, I am very outspoken on social media. But what exactly am I outspoken about? Peace, love, acceptance and compassion are always at the core of my posts.

If I display any animosity toward certain behaviors, those type of posts will now be restricted to my own page. There's no point in trolling around just to stir up trouble. Oh, I've done it on occasion when someone works my nerves or ignorance rears it's ugly head. But now I'm making a concentrated effort not to.

And yes, I am big on making folks aware of their less than kind tendencies with my posts. You know, the habits and behaviors that are so socially ingrained that nice people don't even notice they're participating in them?

I figure that I would want these things pointed out to me so I could lead a kinder life, so why wouldn't everyone else? But again, this is mainly on my own page or on the pages of those who are in agreement with me.

I'm sorry folks, I just can't condone practices that are less than compassionate toward humans or other animals. It's not in me. However, I really do have faith in the good character of all my friends, which is why I believe they would want to know if something they do or say is hurtful to someone else.

I certainly would.

I have noticed that sometimes, certain of my friends are offended by the thought of being compassionate above all. I can't help that.

How silly is that, BTW? Why be so hell bent on sticking to tradition or so set in your ways that you prefer not to see the truth or consider ways to improve in the future? That just makes no sense to me.

Blinders and rose colored glasses are not my style, Compassion reigns supreme with me, even when it necessitates changing my own stubborn ways and re-routing my own way of thinking.

Mind you, I'm not saying that I'm picture perfect. I have weathered my fair share of social media battles. I have been guilty of stirring the pot, sometimes with serious vigor. But there's something about making an effort to live a kinder life that has prompted me to do better in that area.

Anyway...

I am making a special effort toward peaceful interaction on Facebook these days. Social media is here to stay. And as admittedly antisocial as I am, I still want what little conversation I do engage in to be pleasant for all concerned.

I'm not commenting negatively on other people's pages any more. If I have something to say that I can't not say, I'll say it on my own page instead.

If you view my posts frequently, you may or may not have noticed that I also now avoid lumping, grouping and categorizing people in my posts. That includes not sharing memes that condemn one political group or another. Because folks, we are all so much more than the labels we are given. Sorting people out this way feels a bit too much like bigotry to me.

I'm still a bit judgmental, I admit it. I'm working on it though. I'm constantly working on self-improvement. It's important to me to be fair and kind.

I can't help being human, of course. I do and will slip up sometimes. In fact, I have done so, big time in the past. More than once. A lot of the time it has taken me more than once to learn my lesson. I probably have a ton of failing and growing to do in the future as well. Still, I try to look at my mistakes as learning experiences and I apologize when apologies are due.

I've stopped truly “falling for” anything mass media, big banking, big business or mainstream political parties spew without first doing a little unbiased research. And generally, if the “news” coming out makes someone a huge profit, I tend to pass on it. I'm looking for truth, not propaganda. That's true, BTW, even when the news is slanted toward my views.

For the most part, I scroll past anything that causes me to shake my head without comment. You know, anything that isn't based in compassion or impacts me in such a way that I completely lose my own compassion. However, I do reserve the right to post my disdain on my own page.

However, I'm trying my best to see that said disdain is now directed toward the action, not the person. With the exception of certain individuals who consistently display tendencies of hatefulness, animosity, cruelty and general rudeness with no remorse. Because then, I figure, something has to be said. Silence is often seen as license and acceptance. People are not going to change if they don't have to.

One last thing and maybe I've said this a lot but example is the best teacher. That goes for everyone from toddlers to seniors. Whatever aura you project surrounds you and spreads to others. So, by being firm about supporting compassionate behaviors and using that same compassion to promote them, I hope to influence others to do the same.

I have always believed in being the change I wish to see. Still, sometimes my actions have fallen short of that goal. Patience is not a virtue I possess in quantity. I have a short fuse when it comes to those who promote or project hatred and exclusion.

So, I'm working the path of peace, one step at a time and trying my utmost to do so with kindness in mind.

Making peace with zero page views

I've been in love with writing since I first learned to form letters, make words from them and put those words together to make legible thoughts appear on paper. In short, since I was about 5 years old. Back then, I didn't care who read my thoughts. Surprise! I don't care now either.

I write for myself. If no one reads what I write, well, that doesn't make it any less valuable to me. I also don't care if my grammar is picture perfect or my punctuation is on point. I write how I talk. It's legible enough. It's not completely off. And anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to read it. So there!

If all that makes me sound a bit narcissistic, well, I don't care about that either. People can think what they want because I also don't judge the way others write. Practice makes perfect and maybe they're not there yet. Or maybe they're like me and don't care if they ever get there. Ha!

I have a lot of blogs that nobody reads. They make me about a penny a month. OK, maybe a little more. But hey, since I don't ever cash it out, I might have a whole dollar by now. Woo-Hoo! Celebration time! Maybe I could frame it and hang it on my wall.

Meh, who cares? I think the almighty dollar gets enough air time. I save my decor space for family photos and other things that really matter. Like dream-catchers, tapestries, artwork, various handmade dangly things, cute signs and such. Most of which is truly “unprofessional” and maybe a bit sloppy. I love it!

And sure, there is an off chance that someday, someone, somewhere will find that either my meanderings or my artwork warrant a deeper look. Maybe there's even a ,little monetary compensation in my future. Still don't care. Besides, likely that would mean writing/creating the way everyone else thinks I should; conforming to consumerist demand, etc.

Nah, I'm happier just the way things are. Doing what I love to do, the way I love to do it. No promises. No demands. No battlefield. No blood shed. No deadlines. No editors. No rules. No pressure. Just the freedom to write/create as I wish.

I'm at peace with my non-existent page views. In fact, I prefer them. They represent my freedom to be who I am. They reflect my true self, good, bad and ugly combined. They empower me like no amount of money ever could.

And you can take that to the bank.

Be careful who you call a snowflake

 

People, when will they ever learn? These days it seems that anyone who gives a rat's behind about anything is labeled as a snowflake. To which I say, “Not so fast, good friends. Being kind is not so easy.” Being a “snowflake” is a lot more of a challenge than being a hard ass or ignoring the wrongs and la dee da-ing through life because they don't impact you directly.

Personally, I'm at peace with being a so-called snowflake. Here's why:

Compassion is not a cop-out. Kindness takes strength, perseverance and dedication. Sometimes it even means finding the good in those who seem to be made up of 99.9% evil.

Compassion involves standing up for the rights of all, including those who don't agree with you, are misguided, cruel or only seem to care about themselves. 

These days, being compassionate even means putting yourself in danger. Because for some reason, people who lack compassion are offended by those who believe in it. 

In contrast, it's quite easy to put yourself first and walk away from things you'd rather not admit are happening. It's easy to be hard. It's easy to ignore. Cognitive dissonance makes life simple for those who are not strong enough to face the truth. The real snowflakes are the ones who haven't the strength or courage to worry about anyone but themselves.

And trust me, I would love to distance myself from the evils of the world. But not enough to live every day sheltered from the harsh realities of life in a society gone mad.

Why not just enjoy life and let the chips fall where they may? I'll tell you why not. Because if everyone in the world ignored injustice, justice would cease to exist.

Someone has to care enough to take a stand against bias, exclusion, cruelty and hatred. Are these people snowflakes? I don't think so. Quite the opposite, in fact. Those are the folks I want in my corner. They are strong and capable with hearts in the right place.

On the other hand, I suppose you could side with the bullies of the world. They seem to be strong, don't they? But that's just it. They only appear to be strong. Their resilience and confidence are lacking, Which is why they have to put others down in an effort to inflate their own egos.

And, final point, guess what? Not all those you call snowflakes have had an easy life. Some have had to push through hardships that would do a lot of people in. So be careful who you call a snowflake. You might be handing them a doubly disrespectful insult. (Disrespectful of both their beliefs and their long, hard struggle to get where they are.) And the resulting blizzard may be more than you bargained for.

Because compassionate people are the majority in this country, folks. And history has proven, they will, quietly and effectively over-rule your agenda of fear mongering, hatred and exclusion every time.

Burn, baby burn!

Sometimes attaining inner peace involves environmental cleansing. I'm not speaking of the environment as a whole, just my own corner of it. OK, maybe there's a greener way to purge my personal space of ancient paperwork. Still, ceremonial burning is highly satisfying, isn't it?

I have a lot of paperwork to purge. I don't own a shredder. I can't afford to pay someone to shred all these old documents I pulled from my file cabinet.

So, I say, burn, baby burn!

It's been interesting cleaning out ten years worth of files. The clutter in there was clogging up my to do list as well. And when my list gets too long, it blocks me from attaining peace. Plus, I just don't need the stuff. Well, most of it.

I did find a few gems in the files. A lot of my old journals and handwritten notes. Some poetry that I forgot that I wrote. And I found one really cool thing.

It was a Christmas gift from my Mom, sent to me long ago. A booklet of her writings. It's mostly poetry to loved ones. I remember reading it when I first received it and loving how it revealed her innermost feelings.

When I was growing up, kids weren't really privy to the feelings of their parents. Oh, sure, there was love and lots of it. Still, our parents didn't really confide in us. Or at least not in me or in as much depth as in poetic ramblings.

Anyway, it was fun to read, for instance, poems my Mom wrote to my Dad. (She referred to him as Herbie.) How very in love she was with him! It also gave me a window to their life before kids. Shocker! They had lives before us!

Needless to say, I won't be burning my Mom's poetry or any of the other sentimental stuff in the file drawer.

But as for the weight of unnecessary paperwork, up in smoke it goes. I offer it to the Gods of cleansing and purification. In doing so, my mind becomes clear and peaceful. “To do” becomes “to done.” The ashes settle gently on the peace path behind me.

And forward I trudge with renewed conviction, at peace with the ashes of my past floating across the back yard.

Life isn't fair and that's a good thing

I don't pretend to have the answers to everything. If I did, I suppose my life would be a lot easier. Still, I think a few important things have been lost through the generations. Mainly what's been lost, I fear, is the ability to deal with the ups and downs that life throws at us.

People today seem to think the world owes them respect, decency and  kindness. And that there are certain rights everyone is born with. I suppose that last bit is due to the wishful thinking of our founding fathers. But it's not real, you guys. Nothing society tells us is real.

In actuality, nature is not fair. Life is not fair. And those who expect it to be are destined to have a hell of a time dealing with it the way it really is. They don't have the tools for that. It's not their fault. They were simply never taught the realities of life.

Life is a lot of struggle mixed with a little happiness to soften the blow. It has to be that way, you know. Those struggles strengthen us. They keep us humble. But most of all, they provide the contrast we need in order to appreciate the good times.

Now, I was raised in the country and I do mean in the country. I am not from a small town. We lived across from a dairy farm in the middle of nowhere. There were a lot of us and we were not monetarily wealthy.

We had pea soup and corn bread for dinner a lot. It was tasty and healthy and I still love it. We had a garden. We worked for our food by shucking those peas, harvesting other veggies and helping around the house. My Mom put dinner on the table every night. It wasn't always pea soup. It was always humble, nutritious and inexpensive. If we didn't like it and didn't eat it, well, we'd be really, really ready for breakfast next day.

Because there was no alternative.

We didn't order in or eat fast food. We didn't eat out. We sat at the dinner table, talked about our day and enjoyed each others company. After dinner, we played board games until bed time, which was when the sun went down. If it was summer, we played outside. We were never bored.

We worked hard but we also knew how to have fun. Sometimes we would all pile into the car and go to the beach. In winter, we grabbed our sleds or whatever else would slip down the hill and made our own fun. We skated on the neighbor's cow pond in the winter.

We invented our own brand of fun. I'm told that one time, when the garden flooded, we plugged up an old bathtub to use as a boat, therefore turning a tragedy into a good time. I was pretty young, though. I don't really remember it.

I guess you could say that my childhood was a series of events that were largely based on turning old, beat up straw into shiny, new gold. Which is, I suppose, why I'm so resilient to this day. Practice makes perfect, as they say. That is not to say that I'm perfect. Nope, far from it.

But I do know this. If you shelter your kids from everything, kissing all their boo-boos and catching them every time they fall, well, they never have a chance to learn those deep down, ingrained lessons that struggle and misfortune bring, do they?

In other words, it's OK to let your little darlings skin their knees and develop the resultant, protective scabs on their own. In fact, it's more than OK, it's necessary. Strength comes through adversity. And strength, my friends, is vital to survival.

I'm at peace with life being unfair, In fact, I'm glad it is. Because if it wasn't, I wouldn't be half the person I am today. A lot of us wouldn't. So, when life knocks you down, take your licks, patch your skinned knees and let those lessons give you strength to carry on, a little wiser than you were before. That's what life is all about. 

Isn't it beautiful?

Why is it so hard to find our true selves?

Have you found yourself? So many people searching for self fulfillment out there. So many lost souls, wandering the planet, looking for something that doesn't exist, seeking answers that don't exist. Unfortunately, by doing so, we may never find that inner peace path. Why? Because... wait for it.

There is no self.

Or at least, not the way we humans define it. You see, we are all one entity. All the flora and fauna found on this planet, possibly in the universe are inexorably connected by a common energy. Therefore, we will never find ourselves by connecting with our self. We are a finely tuned machine made up of many components, all working together to create our reality, our whole.

We are not meant to be independent. And it's a beautiful thing.

Or it should be. Without the human ego, it would be. With the human ego, we, as humans spend 99% of our time trying to place ourselves either above, below or isolated from the whole, manipulating the machine to suit our own selfish needs. We have a desperate need to know who we are because somewhere along the way, we have lost sight of the big picture.

Surprise. The needs of the many really do outweigh the needs of the few. Our refusal to stop feeding our own self interests, not only clouds our judgment, it's killing us. Because the further away from our interconnection we move, in pursuit of self, the more out of sync our “machine” becomes.

At the same time, we are also creating many false societies that work directly against the natural machine that is us. This complicates the matter of connecting with others who are caught up in the illusion. And if we cannot connect with each other in the way we were naturally intended, the magic can never happen.

We may never find ourselves because we keep looking for a definitive individual with definitive traits when we should be seeking a connection with the collective whole. And we do connect, sometimes. Problem is, we are finding human created collectives to belong to, rather than the natural collective which is designed to nourish, sustain and preserve us.

Those false collectives have another issue in common. They are made up of only human life. The natural collective doesn't just contain human life. It contains all life. Vegetation, sentient beings of all kinds and all natural matter, air, water, etc. Earth and all its' elements and inhabitants working together, each of us a piece of an intricate, balanced system is who we are.

The other issue is that right here and now, many of those components, human and otherwise are unhealthy. Others who served vital roles in sustaining all have simply gone extinct. When a part of a machine goes bad, the whole machine stops functioning properly. If too many parts are missing or malfuntioning, the fate of our natural “machine” AKA ecosystem is bleak.

So, what can we do? Well, a good start would be to begin mending those lost connections, then repairing the broken and replacing missing parts with others that serve to duplicate their function. This used to be a process that “mother nature” could handle on her own. However, at this point in time, she needs a little help. We humans have to let go of self and start living selfless as we were intended to. Otherwise, their may be nothing left of our selves to find.

At peace with self medication

True story: There is no cure for what I've got. All the doctors can do is “manage” my symptoms and they're doing a piss poor job of it. To date, every med but one has not only been ineffective, but has made me feel miles worse. It's not their fault for several reasons, not the least of which is, there are very few medicines I can tolerate. So, rather than torture myself and bombard my already fragile body with foreign substances, I've stopped going to the doctor on a regular basis to be poked, prodded and experimented on. As a result, I am more at peace with this illness than I have ever been.

Now, don't get me wrong. If there is a dire situation, I know the way to the ER. And admittedly, the doctors have saved my life on several occasions, using, of course, the only drug that works and that I can tolerate short term. Problem is, I'm told I can't take it long term without dire consequences. I don't disagree with that.

Furthermore, I live in Colorado, folks. Which means, I can seek an option that may be illegal in your state. And that's great, except that I have tried CBD oil, both with and without THC. I've also tried CBD tablets. Edibles get me high but that's about it. I can't smoke as Lupus has already compromised my lungs a few times and they are weak. In fact, no marijuana based solution does anything at all to alleviate any of my many, many symptoms. That is, barring the infused rubs, which are great for localized pain.

So, I use the rubs. I use the rubs and if the pain gets too bad, I take aspirin. And if the aspirin is not strong enough to decrease the inflammation responsible for most of my symptoms, I take advil. There may come a time when that's not enough to keep me from screaming in pain. When that happens, like I said, I know where the ER is.

I take all the nutritional supplements that help with Lupus and Rheumatoid, plus, I avoid trigger foods. At this point in my illness, I know what those are. I stay hydrated. My diet is about 95% vegan, which studies have shown is the optimal Lupus diet. I stay as active as is possible with body parts that have been impacted by chronic illness. I'm not running marathons but I don't spend the entire day eating bon-bons and watching soap operas either. Heck, I don't even like soap operas and bon-bons are not vegan.

I've also moved about an hour from the hectic and toxic city. That has helped in numerous ways. Nothing like a little fresh air and open space to help you function better! I could go on. There are other “treatments” I self medicate with, depending on my symptoms. None of them are illegal or harmful in any way. One is fresh pressed organic ginger tea. There's no point in listing them all. None of them are miracles. None will cure me entirely, but neither will anything the doctors have to offer.

Anyway... Folks, here we are. It's Thursday night and I just had an attack of acid re-flux. I can deal with that because it's the first one I've had since ditching prescription medications. Likely, that's because the meds are responsible for the acid re-flux. Never did have it until I started taking them. And none of the prescription meds my doctors prescribed worked for that either. So, this evening, once I was rid of the issue, so to speak, I took a precautionary antacid tablet and moved to my recliner, where I can sleep sitting up.

Folks, I'm at peace with using common sense solutions to self medicate, barring emergency, because they work better than anything the doctors ever prescribed me or suggested I do to alleviate my symptoms. I don't have to pay myself thousands of dollars to tell myself the same thing over and over or be experimented on, poked and prodded. And neither the doctors or I are going to cure this crap. Either way, it will get me sooner rather than later.

And so, I have opted for a peaceful solution. One that doesn't involve me running back and forth to the doctor to be bombarded with chemicals that make me feel worse than I already do. My brand of self medication doesn't involve any of the many poisons dished out by medical professionals. It involves living a peaceful life in the country, making my own decisions about what will and will not go into my body. It involves me being kind to myself for the first time in years.

I'm at peace with self medication because it works. And isn't that the point?

When the helper needs help

I am a helper. I love that about myself. Wouldn't change it if I could. Every morning I get up with a purpose. That purpose is to bring happiness into the lives of others and create a home environment that's conducive to that end. Proud of it. Happy with it. At peace with my role. But... You knew there was a but, didn't you? Sometimes this helper wishes someone would help her just a bit more.

Now, maybe my standards of what needs doing are a little different than those of the average person. Maybe I'm expecting helper qualities and viewpoints from non-helpers. Maybe that's the problem. Or maybe people are just so used to me taking on all the unpleasant responsibilities that they just don't see that I'm not invincible. Do you blame them? I mean, I am pretty awesome. Kind of hard to top me in the help department. And I'm so modest too.

Anyway.... Here's the thing. Believe it or not, there are things that I just can't do for whatever reason. Gasp! And even though I'm practically perfect in every way, I'm not always so Mary Poppins when it comes to my attitude, either. In other words, I get really ticked off sometimes. And nothing makes me more angry than bending over backwards for people who don't return the favor or at least make half an effort to lend a hand.

I have to stop here and say that there are absolutely people in my life who DO help and quite a bit!

By contrast, there are also those who always have a ready, seemingly plausible, yet actually lame and overused excuse for not helping me. Or those who act like the 5 minute task they did is medal worthy. Or those “adults” who have to be told what their responsibilities entail.

Because guess what all those repetitive excuses mean to me? They mean that the complainer knows very well that help is needed and they have no intention of giving it. Now, how on earth do I know that? I know it because I know that the impossible is always possible if you want it badly enough. If they wanted it badly enough, or recognized that it needed doing, they'd be working right alongside me without any nudging.

I was a single parent of 3 for many years, working 2 and sometimes 3 jobs when necessary, with a chronic illness I couldn't afford to go to the doctor for. Still, I managed to come home and rock the home-front too. Was I tired? You betcha! Did I hurt? You betcha! Cried myself to sleep from the pain many nights. Never got to sleep at all some nights. Got up the next day and went to work anyway. But things got done. I took care of my shit and no one else had to step in it. Still do. Proud of it. Earned everything I have that has come from it. Earned my rest and my peace many times over.

Maybe it's unfair of me to expect that same level of conviction, that same fighter spirit, that same work ethic from everyone. Or not. Because frankly, I had and have a whole lot more limitations to conquer than most people will ever experience. And yet, I continually sacrificed and continue to sacrifice my needs for the greater good. No excuses!

Every single day of my life is spent gladly helping others. Yes, gladly. I never regret a minute of what I have done for those around me and I never will.

However, I do reserve the right to be angry at the excuse makers. Because, no matter what they may say, their actions (or lack of actions) reveal how little they appreciate the hard work of those around them. In fact, from my helper mentality fueled, highly responsible viewpoint, some people's life purpose seems to be avoiding all the work they possibly can, taking the easy way out and forcing other people to take up the slack so they can just kick back and do nothing (or as little as humanly possible) while watching the rest of us knock ourselves out to save their lazy asses from the inevitable failure that comes from said laziness.

And I'm not special or better than anyone. I'm not the only one out here kicking butt on a daily basis, am I? There are many others. Maybe you are one. Kudos to you! Maybe you know one. If so, please, give them a break. They're trying to help you to the best of their ability. Pick up after yourself. Thoroughly. So no one has to go behind you and finish the job. Lend them a hand with the heavy loads. And most importantly, do both without being asked to and without complaint.

Because, believe it or not, helpers do not enjoy reminding people to help them. They don't make excuses. They don't want to hear yours either. They shouldn't be be made to feel guilty every time you help them. They have enough on their plates. And chances are, they've done more in the last hour than most people do all week. So, keep your pity party to yourself. Just help the helpers. They need it They deserve it. They earned it. And most importantly, it's good for you too. You'll be happier for having accomplished something unselfishly and without regret.

Trust me, I know. I do it daily. And it rocks!

At peace with my helper self. Appreciated, compensated or not. I'm OK by me. Still, a little help would be nice. Pretty please?

You are not that important

Ha ha ha It took me so long to figure this one out. I'm a speck. And yes, we have our contributions to make to the world. When we shine, those around us shine right along with us. When we're moody those around us reflect that as well. I get it. But seriously? You are not all that important. Neither am I. We are a very small part of the scheme of things. So stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Admit to your imperfections and just work on them.

I look at society today and find it to be very self centered. People are overly obsessed with expressing themselves as individuals. It's fine, even healthy to like yourself. It's great to have an opinion. But it's more important to actually be kind, generous, courteous, etc. Do positive things. Make others happy. Express your sympathy when things go badly for someone. Just don't expect a medal for it. Because it's what you're supposed to do, Doing it doesn't make you a hero.

You're not that special. None of us are. Find some humility!

Sometimes, I blame Facebook. One example is those birthday reminders. How so? You feel guilty if you don't respond to them, don't you? You feel guilty if you miss thanking someone for responding to them as well. This mentality stretches into your personal life too, doesn't it? Folks, it's a nice thing to do but seriously? If someone forgets my birthday, I just figure they're busy with their own life. I don't take it personally. And if they do remember, I don't show up at their doorstep with a trophy.

And speaking of birthdays, I don't get or even want a party every birthday. Now it seems people aren't happy unless they not only get a party but receive every little wish their heart desires because they are all important, you know? And every birthday seems to have some specific present attached to it. If they don't get that specific thing, heaven help us. It's the end of life as we know it, apparently.

Here's another one. If your boyfriend asks you to marry him, he has to come up with a clever way. It's not enough that he loves you enough to ask. The ring has to be perfect. Your wedding has to be epic too. Everything has to be done just right so you have a story you can tell. And you need pictures of every little detail of your life. Heck, sometimes people demand them. And make sure those are picture perfect too. Get the right angle, the right background, cover every theme, every moment, etc. Who cares if they're an honest representation of your life as long as they make you look perfect?

And yes, it's important that people feel good about themselves. We should also be kind to our children so that they have a well adjusted personality. We should support their endeavors. But we can't make them happy all the time, just as we can't make ourselves happy all the time. We are not that fabulous. We're just human beings. We are not, nor will we ever be perfect, nor will any of our experiences be perfect.

Life is not a movie where things are solved in the space of 2 hours. It's a journey. Hopefully, a long one. Enjoy it for what it is. Don't try to impress anyone with it. Because, unless you're a serial killer or something, you are good enough just as you are Ya, it's cliché, but it's true.

And speaking of issues, it's OK to call someone you love out on their crap if they're heading in a direction that's bad for them and those around you. It doesn't mean you feel as if you're better than or any more important than they are. Don't feel guilty about being a caring individual. But you're still, not a hero. You're not that special. There are no medals for doing the right thing. It's what you're supposed to do. That's all.

I don't know how this happened to us. But we are at a point where living up to our own over-inflated expectations is killing us. The pressure involved with being a human being in this society is enormous. Oh my gosh, people, just live. Enjoy your life. Forget about societal standards. Just be nice to each other. Because for all other intents and purposes...

You are not that important. Neither am I. None of us are. So just relax and be at peace with being you!

What makes me #Sad, but still at peace

It seems the older I get, the more I am determined to find the best in people. Admittedly, it doesn't always happen. I'm no Dalai Lama, but I do try. I suppose that's why I find the saddest people are those who unknowingly make themselves and others miserable on a daily basis. Those whose energy not only brings the people around them down, but is self harming as well.

Because they're doing it for absolutely no reason. You see, folks, as much as we think the world is out to get us sometimes, it's really our actions and reactions that are bringing us down. In other words, to be blunt, shit happens to everyone. Every day. Constantly complaining, playing the blame game, throwing tantrums, being over dramatic and “venting” will not change that fact.

Playing the victim will not make your problems go away either. Whining about every little thing that happens to you, as if you're the only one in the world with struggles will not make your problems disappear. Neither will denying their existence or running away. There are only two things that will make your problems go away.

1. Doing something different to solve them.

The old adage is true. You cannot expect to have different results if you keep doing the same thing. Only doing something different will reap different results. When you create a rut for yourself, draw lines, impose conditions that are impossible to follow and dig in, that's exactly where you will find yourself years, maybe even decades later. Setting your actions and reactions in stone will only make your life harder. It will bury you. A change.... will do you good.

2. Getting a new attitude

Attitude really is everything. If you're struggling, remember, so is every other person you encounter. Struggles teach. They are a necessary part of life. Be grateful for them. Embrace them. Use them to strengthen your spirit. Oh, you can complain about them if you wish, I suppose. But that will do nothing to improve your situation.

Now, I don't pretend to be all knowing. Not by any stretch. I am highly imperfect. Highly. I have been known to lose my temper. But I know that when I focus on the positive aspects of a situation, things improve for me so I try to do that the majority of the time.

I also know that when I'm stubborn and refuse to budge or insist on doing things my way, I fail miserably. By the same token, when I put a smile on my face, move forward and embrace new perspectives, my life improves.

Folks, it took me longer than most to get to this realization. And I still have a long, long way to go too!

That's why I empathize with those who are not there yet.

It makes me sad that I can't pass this information on to those who need to hear it most. I know this because, believe me, I have tried. I'm not one to give up on people. It just isn't in me. Problem is, if they're not ready to hear it or act on it there's nothing I can do.

If they refuse to open themselves up to anything that anyone else has to say, they won't hear it. No one heals until they see their own issues and make positive changes. That has to be their decision.

That's why I'm at peace with it. Because there's not a darn thing I can or should do. It's their prerogative. But it certainly is the saddest thing to witness their self destruction and not be able to get through to them.

It certainly is #Sad.

The last to be chosen

Here's something a little unique that I find myself being at peace with. But the most unique thing is the reason for my peace. You see, I never even wanted to be on the team in the first place. Any team. At all. Ever.

This is one of those cases where someone posts something I notice while scrolling through my Facebook page. This post was about adults taking responsibility for making sure kids aren't left out. I agree. However, I have to say, some kids don't want to be “in” and I was one of those kids.

I was picked last for teams too, but honestly, never been a team person anyway and I was out of my element when I belonged to groups. I just don't have that kind of mentality. Clubs and teams, church, whatever... It all feels too cult-ish for me. Some of us enjoy being left alone.

I thought being picked last was awful as a kid but I'm at peace with being left out now, at the age of 59. Wandering thought, I'm also at peace with being 59. In fact, I'm pretty much at peace with everything about myself. I don't overly dote on me, me, me. But I'm OK with me. I'm even OK with seeing my worst facial expressions and my fat arms in pictures.

Because, who cares? But more importantly, being that all star with the “perfect” figure and the “perfect” life just isn't who I am or even who I was, as a kid. I enjoyed reading for hours upon hours, just as much as those other kids enjoyed being prom king or queen, head cheerleader or whatever their deal was. My deal was being at peace, even then. And what brought me the most peace was just being myself.

As I got older and started working for a living, I was a hard worker, for sure. I was a worker bee. Yes, I got promotions. But, I never really fit in to the management mold. Because, once again, I always found it strange, the whole belonging to a team thing. It just didn't suit me. The money was nice, though. LOL Everyone needs money, right?

I've never been one to shop till I drop, either. I prefer a simple life. No fame and fortune. No glory guts. No party like a rock star. None of that appeals to me in the least. I was always meant to be exactly who I am. And not only am I OK with it, I love it!

Being OK with being chosen last is liberating. I don't have to dress to impress, shoot to thrill or any of what I feel is crazy nonsense. I take pride in who I am. I do the right thing. I excel at some things. I don't at others. And I have never been and never will be a superstar. Well, maybe I'm a superstar Grandma. LOL

And hey, if you're the type of person who enjoys being chosen first, good for you. Go for it. Personally, though, I enjoy fading into the background where it's quiet and the pressure is off. It's who I was meant to be and it just feels like the right fit.

At peace with being the underdog. No cape required.

Peace through true acceptance

 

OK. Here it is. Being judgmental of others, no matter the circumstances is self harm and obviously in bad taste. It's indicative of our own issues when we're critical of others. It makes us look small and vindictive. I'm not telling you anything you don't know here, am I?

And yet every day, on or off social media, bashing others is glorified repeatedly. I have caught myself doing it as well. Now, I don't know why this is. Maybe it's the influence of sitcom like humor that pervades mass media. Maybe it's all those irresistibly sarcastic Facebook memes. Or maybe it's simply the natural evolution of societal conditioning. But whatever it is, I don't like it at all.

I mean, seriously folks, even if we have accidentally evolved into this kind of thinking, we can purposely evolve out of it. It's just not cool to put people down for their differences, kick them in the face when they're struggling mentally, give them a hard time for being, poor, rich, fat, thin, pretty, ugly, insecure, overly confident, etc. etc. I could continue for days here. You get the point.

Making other people look bad or highlighting their faults for the sake of a laugh is grade school behavior. It's rude. It's counter-productive. It's just plain unacceptable. Most of us have been the victim of another person's criticism at one time or another. We should know how horrid it feels. People are literally killing themselves over being criticized or bullied.

So why do we keep up this madness? I have no idea.

Now, believe me, the irony and hypocrisy of this post does not allude me. I realize that I'm being critical of other people being critical here. But the thing is, it's the behavior I am condemning, not the people who engage in it.

My personal pet peeve of late is those posts people make on the book of faces concerning “fake” people. Folks, there are no fake people. There are only people struggling to fit into this messed up society the best way they know how. And doesn't that apply to all of us? Aren't we all on a journey that includes plenty of stumbling blocks and a lot of confusion?

We don't like being misguided, losing our way or being inherently fallible in other ways do we? We're all just trying our best to fit in, right? And we certainly don't feel good when our mistakes are paraded around or shoved in our faces do we? Then why on earth do we do it to others?

What if I told you that the main reason we judge others just may be that we don't feel that great about ourselves? What if I told you that it's time to realize that being critical of others for being fake is in and of itself, a feeble attempt on our own part to fit in? (Thereby rendering us guilty of the very self centered, false aura we're accusing them of having.)

When we put others down, we're not exactly being nice to ourselves either. Most of us know it's wrong to judge others. But what a lot of us don't realize is that, by judging others, we essentially reveal ourselves as having conceited tendencies as well.

So folks, how about we stop this behavior now? We're all basically good people, right? So let's start acting like it. If someone we know is struggling to fit in, why not reach out a hand instead of kicking them off the ladder?

Couldn't hurt. Might help.

But hey, what do I know? I'm struggling too. And yes, I've had people refer to me and some of my family members as fake. That's probably because we prefer to speak of the good things in our lives while we work on the negative qualities in private. But trust me, we have our issues as well. Lots of them. And we know it. We have no delusions. Just a lot of hope for improvement.

Part of which includes having better acceptance of others.

Life is a journey, folks. Some of us may never be lucky enough to reach our destination or even get close. So let's keep that in mind when we are tempted to be critical. Let's truly lift each other up. Let's do what we can to enrich each other's lives, rather than picking at every little imperfection we see.

Maybe someday we'll evolve into true acceptance of the highly fallible and unique beings we all are. But in the meantime, let's just make an effort to be kinder, shall we? Because no one is fake. We're all just doing our best to survive. Inner peace simply does not come without knowing you are treating others the way you wish to be treated.

Peace is earned, not given.

I'm OK with being fine

I'm fine. That's what you often hear from most people with chronic illness. I'm at complete peace with telling people I'm fine when I'm not. So are a lot of us. It's a big, fat lie though and I'm not the type to lie. So why am I OK with it?

Well, the biggest reason is that I don't want others to suffer with me, worry about me or spend sleepless nights wondering if I'm OK. Also, I don't want them to know how horrible this is for me. When people don't understand my illness, that's a good thing, in a way. Because that means they don't have it.

Because frankly, folks, unless you have one of these monstrous conditions, clawing at you, night and day, it's impossible to imagine what it's like. No amount of graphic description is going to be enough to get that across to a healthy person.

And I like that. That is, I like knowing that the people around me don't experience what I do on a daily basis. I'm so happy for them to NOT have this or any other chronic illness. Oh, there are a few that do. Those are the ones I talk to about it. But even though I'm glad to have someone to talk to, I wish that I didn't. Because that would mean all of my loved ones were healthy.

Wouldn't that be awesome?

I'm at peace with just being fine and leaving it at that. Because I'm OK with other people not suffering along with me.

I see things and I'm at peace with it

I see things, but it's not what you're thinking. I see the connections between all of us. I'm not insane and I'm not alone but some days, it feels like it. Our society has become a mockery of our truth. None of us are who we think we are, myself included. We're so wrapped up in lies the truth doesn't matter any more. We live and breathe a life of pure illusion, created by those who profit from our ignorance.

None of us are special. We are all part of the whole. We are, in essence, “The Borg” but we are missing the hive mind mentality.

We are fighting for our individuality with every step we take. Perhaps that's why the concept scares us so much in a tale of fiction. Our brains are separate and independent and yet, they are designed to work as parts of a well oiled machine.

That machine is nature.

Koko said it best. “I am nature.”

Yes, we are all nature. Those who laugh at nature lovers are laughing at themselves. We are one energy in different bodies.

While some might see this concept as frightening. (Or yours truly as some kind of fanatic.) I see it as comforting. It gives me peace. I like knowing that we are all connected. I like knowing that there is more to this life than our society tells us there is. Because in my opinion, our society has produced the most widely accepted, most warped mess of tangled lies that ever were pulled over anyone's eyes.

I like feeling the connection to living beings, to plants, to the stars, the moon and other planets. I like reaching out my hands and feeling a part of something vast and wonderful and amazing.

Pure connectivity is at once both the most beautiful, most precious feeling one can attain and the most frightening of all realizations. True awareness is a realization. It's seeing life for what is is, stripped clean of everything we previously thought to be true. It's admitting that we have it all wrong. It's seeing ourselves and everyone and everything around us as simply existing in unison, with no judgment passed. It's being able to sort the truth from the lies.

And in order to see it, one must let go of everything first.

The first thing to let go of is possession of other beings. Truly, we can never possess anyone, human or otherwise. We can never let go of the web that binds us, and yet we do not belong to each other. We are each other. That's why we have so much trouble finding ourselves. Because we are not individuals. We are one. One energy. One spirit. One love.

My friends, I love you. I understand you, I respect your right to believe as “you” wish, although that “you and I as separate beings” nonsense in itself is another lie we have been told. Anyway, as much as I respect “you” in order to truly be at peace, all of us must let go of conventional religion. Religion was created by man to explain things we don't understand. Things that frighten us. Things that we find hard to accept because we do not see reason in them. But it's not our truth.

And pardon the wandering thought, but can you see, that's a “power” humans have exclusively? Reasoning, that is. Other animals are catching up to us in that respect, though. Unfortunately for them, because our “powers” of reasoning, or the search for deeper meaning actually causes us great frustration. We have to have an answer for everything. And because there is no answer to why we exist other than a simple state of being, we find ourselves on a lifelong search with no end result.

The truth is that there is no answer to why we are here. Or at least there is not what we see as an answer. Because our truth, our purpose is simply to be and to experience. And even that realization is not an answer. You see, our purpose has nothing to do with being an individual or finding ourselves.

It's about finding the whole and connecting with the humbling fact that we are not special as individuals but as a great web of life energy, each living being, entity, flora or fauna having their own function within the whole. It's all so beautiful. I wish everyone could see it.

So we have come to a point where because we are hell bent on finding and defining the individuals we mistakenly believe ourselves to be, the whole system is suffering. Do you see? We spend our whole lives searching for something that isn't there, entirely missing the fact that we are all one beautiful, astounding, interconnected energy.

And until we start acting as if we are merely a small piece of something greater and amazingly intricate, as long as we keep separating and labeling ourselves, we will never be in touch with the truth. As long as we continue to conform to an unhealthy false reality, we will never be truly functional.

But we all do have to conform in order to survive, don't we? Of course.

But, what is at the bottom of that truth? The truth is, we're conforming to the wrong thing. Every one of us. Every second, every minute, every hour for our entire lives. We are conforming to a self created, false society, that in some ways mimics the very thing we're searching for. It's a grand illusion that keeps us from our true purpose, which is to simply be and be a part of a greater energy.

We get up every morning and go to jobs we were never intended to do. We aspire to “see the world” when we haven't even learned to see ourselves for who we really are. We cling to our creature comforts rather than experiencing life in the raw, the way it was meant to be lived, as most natural beings do. Why? I don't know. I'm not special. I do life the same way as everyone else.

But I do see things. I see the connections and it gives me comfort to know they are there. Sometimes it scares the heck out of me. But I see life for what it is. I see that there really is no “I.” There is individual thought but that's only there so that we may bring different facets of thinking to strengthen our greater whole.

And yet, as comforting as this is, “I” shy away from it. Because “I” am one of those unfortunate souls who, although they see the connections clearly, can't quite see themselves conforming to anything. Maybe that's because “I” also see too clearly what conforming to the wrong thing has done to damage everything we are and everything we were meant to be. So all forms of connection frighten me a little.

Yes, it makes me a little frightened to accept that I am simply a part of the whole after all. Maybe that's because all our lives we are told that having high “self” esteem is vital to our mental health when the truth is that self esteem is only as important as it is in relation to the energy and health of the whole natural universe.

In other words, I see that we are only important as individuals in that we do our individual part to keep the entire web of natural energy healthy. Because when one part malfunctions, the entire system is compromised. Yes, all of nature depends on individuality and yet, because of our connection to each other, to our collective energy, we are not truly individuals.

It doesn't sound like I'm at peace with this, does it? And yet, “I” truly am. Because there's something else I see. And that something else is that reality and imperfection is inevitable and will inevitably win out over false perfection every time. It gives me hope to know that I am not alone. Ever. It gives me hope to see that more and more people are realizing how beautiful the truth is, compared to the lies that have been handed to us.

I'm also glad that somewhere down the line in the generations before me, there must have been enough truth passed along to lead me in the right direction as well. To allow me to see what has been right in front of me all along. To show me that I am a part of something greater than myself. Something so beautiful that I can't even begin to describe it with mere words.

Just do this for me, if you will. Reach up to the sky, to the stars. Reach out to the earth as well. Take off your shoes and feel the energy flowing from the ground beneath you. Feel it pulsing into and from every pore of your body. What you feel is your connection to all things natural. It's the most peace you can ever experience. Because it is your truth and mine.

Now take that peace, that connection, that inner feeling of knowing and satisfaction and imagine using it to create a world where everyone knows and respects their role. Except that, it's not about anything we create. It's not about what or who created us.

It's simply about being and accepting our own pure truth.

All of us.

Every being and life form, flora or fauna.

Together.

You're welcome.