Life isn't fair and that's a good thing

I don't pretend to have the answers to everything. If I did, I suppose my life would be a lot easier. Still, I think a few important things have been lost through the generations. Mainly what's been lost, I fear, is the ability to deal with the ups and downs that life throws at us.

People today seem to think the world owes them respect, decency and  kindness. And that there are certain rights everyone is born with. I suppose that last bit is due to the wishful thinking of our founding fathers. But it's not real, you guys. Nothing society tells us is real.

In actuality, nature is not fair. Life is not fair. And those who expect it to be are destined to have a hell of a time dealing with it the way it really is. They don't have the tools for that. It's not their fault. They were simply never taught the realities of life.

Life is a lot of struggle mixed with a little happiness to soften the blow. It has to be that way, you know. Those struggles strengthen us. They keep us humble. But most of all, they provide the contrast we need in order to appreciate the good times.

Now, I was raised in the country and I do mean in the country. I am not from a small town. We lived across from a dairy farm in the middle of nowhere. There were a lot of us and we were not monetarily wealthy.

We had pea soup and corn bread for dinner a lot. It was tasty and healthy and I still love it. We had a garden. We worked for our food by shucking those peas, harvesting other veggies and helping around the house. My Mom put dinner on the table every night. It wasn't always pea soup. It was always humble, nutritious and inexpensive. If we didn't like it and didn't eat it, well, we'd be really, really ready for breakfast next day.

Because there was no alternative.

We didn't order in or eat fast food. We didn't eat out. We sat at the dinner table, talked about our day and enjoyed each others company. After dinner, we played board games until bed time, which was when the sun went down. If it was summer, we played outside. We were never bored.

We worked hard but we also knew how to have fun. Sometimes we would all pile into the car and go to the beach. In winter, we grabbed our sleds or whatever else would slip down the hill and made our own fun. We skated on the neighbor's cow pond in the winter.

We invented our own brand of fun. I'm told that one time, when the garden flooded, we plugged up an old bathtub to use as a boat, therefore turning a tragedy into a good time. I was pretty young, though. I don't really remember it.

I guess you could say that my childhood was a series of events that were largely based on turning old, beat up straw into shiny, new gold. Which is, I suppose, why I'm so resilient to this day. Practice makes perfect, as they say. That is not to say that I'm perfect. Nope, far from it.

But I do know this. If you shelter your kids from everything, kissing all their boo-boos and catching them every time they fall, well, they never have a chance to learn those deep down, ingrained lessons that struggle and misfortune bring, do they?

In other words, it's OK to let your little darlings skin their knees and develop the resultant, protective scabs on their own. In fact, it's more than OK, it's necessary. Strength comes through adversity. And strength, my friends, is vital to survival.

I'm at peace with life being unfair, In fact, I'm glad it is. Because if it wasn't, I wouldn't be half the person I am today. A lot of us wouldn't. So, when life knocks you down, take your licks, patch your skinned knees and let those lessons give you strength to carry on, a little wiser than you were before. That's what life is all about. 

Isn't it beautiful?

Why is it so hard to find our true selves?

Have you found yourself? So many people searching for self fulfillment out there. So many lost souls, wandering the planet, looking for something that doesn't exist, seeking answers that don't exist. Unfortunately, by doing so, we may never find that inner peace path. Why? Because... wait for it.

There is no self.

Or at least, not the way we humans define it. You see, we are all one entity. All the flora and fauna found on this planet, possibly in the universe are inexorably connected by a common energy. Therefore, we will never find ourselves by connecting with our self. We are a finely tuned machine made up of many components, all working together to create our reality, our whole.

We are not meant to be independent. And it's a beautiful thing.

Or it should be. Without the human ego, it would be. With the human ego, we, as humans spend 99% of our time trying to place ourselves either above, below or isolated from the whole, manipulating the machine to suit our own selfish needs. We have a desperate need to know who we are because somewhere along the way, we have lost sight of the big picture.

Surprise. The needs of the many really do outweigh the needs of the few. Our refusal to stop feeding our own self interests, not only clouds our judgment, it's killing us. Because the further away from our interconnection we move, in pursuit of self, the more out of sync our “machine” becomes.

At the same time, we are also creating many false societies that work directly against the natural machine that is us. This complicates the matter of connecting with others who are caught up in the illusion. And if we cannot connect with each other in the way we were naturally intended, the magic can never happen.

We may never find ourselves because we keep looking for a definitive individual with definitive traits when we should be seeking a connection with the collective whole. And we do connect, sometimes. Problem is, we are finding human created collectives to belong to, rather than the natural collective which is designed to nourish, sustain and preserve us.

Those false collectives have another issue in common. They are made up of only human life. The natural collective doesn't just contain human life. It contains all life. Vegetation, sentient beings of all kinds and all natural matter, air, water, etc. Earth and all its' elements and inhabitants working together, each of us a piece of an intricate, balanced system is who we are.

The other issue is that right here and now, many of those components, human and otherwise are unhealthy. Others who served vital roles in sustaining all have simply gone extinct. When a part of a machine goes bad, the whole machine stops functioning properly. If too many parts are missing or malfuntioning, the fate of our natural “machine” AKA ecosystem is bleak.

So, what can we do? Well, a good start would be to begin mending those lost connections, then repairing the broken and replacing missing parts with others that serve to duplicate their function. This used to be a process that “mother nature” could handle on her own. However, at this point in time, she needs a little help. We humans have to let go of self and start living selfless as we were intended to. Otherwise, their may be nothing left of our selves to find.

At peace with self medication

True story: There is no cure for what I've got. All the doctors can do is “manage” my symptoms and they're doing a piss poor job of it. To date, every med but one has not only been ineffective, but has made me feel miles worse. It's not their fault for several reasons, not the least of which is, there are very few medicines I can tolerate. So, rather than torture myself and bombard my already fragile body with foreign substances, I've stopped going to the doctor on a regular basis to be poked, prodded and experimented on. As a result, I am more at peace with this illness than I have ever been.

Now, don't get me wrong. If there is a dire situation, I know the way to the ER. And admittedly, the doctors have saved my life on several occasions, using, of course, the only drug that works and that I can tolerate short term. Problem is, I'm told I can't take it long term without dire consequences. I don't disagree with that.

Furthermore, I live in Colorado, folks. Which means, I can seek an option that may be illegal in your state. And that's great, except that I have tried CBD oil, both with and without THC. I've also tried CBD tablets. Edibles get me high but that's about it. I can't smoke as Lupus has already compromised my lungs a few times and they are weak. In fact, no marijuana based solution does anything at all to alleviate any of my many, many symptoms. That is, barring the infused rubs, which are great for localized pain.

So, I use the rubs. I use the rubs and if the pain gets too bad, I take aspirin. And if the aspirin is not strong enough to decrease the inflammation responsible for most of my symptoms, I take advil. There may come a time when that's not enough to keep me from screaming in pain. When that happens, like I said, I know where the ER is.

I take all the nutritional supplements that help with Lupus and Rheumatoid, plus, I avoid trigger foods. At this point in my illness, I know what those are. I stay hydrated. My diet is about 95% vegan, which studies have shown is the optimal Lupus diet. I stay as active as is possible with body parts that have been impacted by chronic illness. I'm not running marathons but I don't spend the entire day eating bon-bons and watching soap operas either. Heck, I don't even like soap operas and bon-bons are not vegan.

I've also moved about an hour from the hectic and toxic city. That has helped in numerous ways. Nothing like a little fresh air and open space to help you function better! I could go on. There are other “treatments” I self medicate with, depending on my symptoms. None of them are illegal or harmful in any way. One is fresh pressed organic ginger tea. There's no point in listing them all. None of them are miracles. None will cure me entirely, but neither will anything the doctors have to offer.

Anyway... Folks, here we are. It's Thursday night and I just had an attack of acid re-flux. I can deal with that because it's the first one I've had since ditching prescription medications. Likely, that's because the meds are responsible for the acid re-flux. Never did have it until I started taking them. And none of the prescription meds my doctors prescribed worked for that either. So, this evening, once I was rid of the issue, so to speak, I took a precautionary antacid tablet and moved to my recliner, where I can sleep sitting up.

Folks, I'm at peace with using common sense solutions to self medicate, barring emergency, because they work better than anything the doctors ever prescribed me or suggested I do to alleviate my symptoms. I don't have to pay myself thousands of dollars to tell myself the same thing over and over or be experimented on, poked and prodded. And neither the doctors or I are going to cure this crap. Either way, it will get me sooner rather than later.

And so, I have opted for a peaceful solution. One that doesn't involve me running back and forth to the doctor to be bombarded with chemicals that make me feel worse than I already do. My brand of self medication doesn't involve any of the many poisons dished out by medical professionals. It involves living a peaceful life in the country, making my own decisions about what will and will not go into my body. It involves me being kind to myself for the first time in years.

I'm at peace with self medication because it works. And isn't that the point?

When the helper needs help

I am a helper. I love that about myself. Wouldn't change it if I could. Every morning I get up with a purpose. That purpose is to bring happiness into the lives of others and create a home environment that's conducive to that end. Proud of it. Happy with it. At peace with my role. But... You knew there was a but, didn't you? Sometimes this helper wishes someone would help her just a bit more.

Now, maybe my standards of what needs doing are a little different than those of the average person. Maybe I'm expecting helper qualities and viewpoints from non-helpers. Maybe that's the problem. Or maybe people are just so used to me taking on all the unpleasant responsibilities that they just don't see that I'm not invincible. Do you blame them? I mean, I am pretty awesome. Kind of hard to top me in the help department. And I'm so modest too.

Anyway.... Here's the thing. Believe it or not, there are things that I just can't do for whatever reason. Gasp! And even though I'm practically perfect in every way, I'm not always so Mary Poppins when it comes to my attitude, either. In other words, I get really ticked off sometimes. And nothing makes me more angry than bending over backwards for people who don't return the favor or at least make half an effort to lend a hand.

I have to stop here and say that there are absolutely people in my life who DO help and quite a bit!

By contrast, there are also those who always have a ready, seemingly plausible, yet actually lame and overused excuse for not helping me. Or those who act like the 5 minute task they did is medal worthy. Or those “adults” who have to be told what their responsibilities entail.

Because guess what all those repetitive excuses mean to me? They mean that the complainer knows very well that help is needed and they have no intention of giving it. Now, how on earth do I know that? I know it because I know that the impossible is always possible if you want it badly enough. If they wanted it badly enough, or recognized that it needed doing, they'd be working right alongside me without any nudging.

I was a single parent of 3 for many years, working 2 and sometimes 3 jobs when necessary, with a chronic illness I couldn't afford to go to the doctor for. Still, I managed to come home and rock the home-front too. Was I tired? You betcha! Did I hurt? You betcha! Cried myself to sleep from the pain many nights. Never got to sleep at all some nights. Got up the next day and went to work anyway. But things got done. I took care of my shit and no one else had to step in it. Still do. Proud of it. Earned everything I have that has come from it. Earned my rest and my peace many times over.

Maybe it's unfair of me to expect that same level of conviction, that same fighter spirit, that same work ethic from everyone. Or not. Because frankly, I had and have a whole lot more limitations to conquer than most people will ever experience. And yet, I continually sacrificed and continue to sacrifice my needs for the greater good. No excuses!

Every single day of my life is spent gladly helping others. Yes, gladly. I never regret a minute of what I have done for those around me and I never will.

However, I do reserve the right to be angry at the excuse makers. Because, no matter what they may say, their actions (or lack of actions) reveal how little they appreciate the hard work of those around them. In fact, from my helper mentality fueled, highly responsible viewpoint, some people's life purpose seems to be avoiding all the work they possibly can, taking the easy way out and forcing other people to take up the slack so they can just kick back and do nothing (or as little as humanly possible) while watching the rest of us knock ourselves out to save their lazy asses from the inevitable failure that comes from said laziness.

And I'm not special or better than anyone. I'm not the only one out here kicking butt on a daily basis, am I? There are many others. Maybe you are one. Kudos to you! Maybe you know one. If so, please, give them a break. They're trying to help you to the best of their ability. Pick up after yourself. Thoroughly. So no one has to go behind you and finish the job. Lend them a hand with the heavy loads. And most importantly, do both without being asked to and without complaint.

Because, believe it or not, helpers do not enjoy reminding people to help them. They don't make excuses. They don't want to hear yours either. They shouldn't be be made to feel guilty every time you help them. They have enough on their plates. And chances are, they've done more in the last hour than most people do all week. So, keep your pity party to yourself. Just help the helpers. They need it They deserve it. They earned it. And most importantly, it's good for you too. You'll be happier for having accomplished something unselfishly and without regret.

Trust me, I know. I do it daily. And it rocks!

At peace with my helper self. Appreciated, compensated or not. I'm OK by me. Still, a little help would be nice. Pretty please?

You are not that important

Ha ha ha It took me so long to figure this one out. I'm a speck. And yes, we have our contributions to make to the world. When we shine, those around us shine right along with us. When we're moody those around us reflect that as well. I get it. But seriously? You are not all that important. Neither am I. We are a very small part of the scheme of things. So stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Admit to your imperfections and just work on them.

I look at society today and find it to be very self centered. People are overly obsessed with expressing themselves as individuals. It's fine, even healthy to like yourself. It's great to have an opinion. But it's more important to actually be kind, generous, courteous, etc. Do positive things. Make others happy. Express your sympathy when things go badly for someone. Just don't expect a medal for it. Because it's what you're supposed to do, Doing it doesn't make you a hero.

You're not that special. None of us are. Find some humility!

Sometimes, I blame Facebook. One example is those birthday reminders. How so? You feel guilty if you don't respond to them, don't you? You feel guilty if you miss thanking someone for responding to them as well. This mentality stretches into your personal life too, doesn't it? Folks, it's a nice thing to do but seriously? If someone forgets my birthday, I just figure they're busy with their own life. I don't take it personally. And if they do remember, I don't show up at their doorstep with a trophy.

And speaking of birthdays, I don't get or even want a party every birthday. Now it seems people aren't happy unless they not only get a party but receive every little wish their heart desires because they are all important, you know? And every birthday seems to have some specific present attached to it. If they don't get that specific thing, heaven help us. It's the end of life as we know it, apparently.

Here's another one. If your boyfriend asks you to marry him, he has to come up with a clever way. It's not enough that he loves you enough to ask. The ring has to be perfect. Your wedding has to be epic too. Everything has to be done just right so you have a story you can tell. And you need pictures of every little detail of your life. Heck, sometimes people demand them. And make sure those are picture perfect too. Get the right angle, the right background, cover every theme, every moment, etc. Who cares if they're an honest representation of your life as long as they make you look perfect?

And yes, it's important that people feel good about themselves. We should also be kind to our children so that they have a well adjusted personality. We should support their endeavors. But we can't make them happy all the time, just as we can't make ourselves happy all the time. We are not that fabulous. We're just human beings. We are not, nor will we ever be perfect, nor will any of our experiences be perfect.

Life is not a movie where things are solved in the space of 2 hours. It's a journey. Hopefully, a long one. Enjoy it for what it is. Don't try to impress anyone with it. Because, unless you're a serial killer or something, you are good enough just as you are Ya, it's cliché, but it's true.

And speaking of issues, it's OK to call someone you love out on their crap if they're heading in a direction that's bad for them and those around you. It doesn't mean you feel as if you're better than or any more important than they are. Don't feel guilty about being a caring individual. But you're still, not a hero. You're not that special. There are no medals for doing the right thing. It's what you're supposed to do. That's all.

I don't know how this happened to us. But we are at a point where living up to our own over-inflated expectations is killing us. The pressure involved with being a human being in this society is enormous. Oh my gosh, people, just live. Enjoy your life. Forget about societal standards. Just be nice to each other. Because for all other intents and purposes...

You are not that important. Neither am I. None of us are. So just relax and be at peace with being you!

What makes me #Sad, but still at peace

It seems the older I get, the more I am determined to find the best in people. Admittedly, it doesn't always happen. I'm no Dalai Lama, but I do try. I suppose that's why I find the saddest people are those who unknowingly make themselves and others miserable on a daily basis. Those whose energy not only brings the people around them down, but is self harming as well.

Because they're doing it for absolutely no reason. You see, folks, as much as we think the world is out to get us sometimes, it's really our actions and reactions that are bringing us down. In other words, to be blunt, shit happens to everyone. Every day. Constantly complaining, playing the blame game, throwing tantrums, being over dramatic and “venting” will not change that fact.

Playing the victim will not make your problems go away either. Whining about every little thing that happens to you, as if you're the only one in the world with struggles will not make your problems disappear. Neither will denying their existence or running away. There are only two things that will make your problems go away.

1. Doing something different to solve them.

The old adage is true. You cannot expect to have different results if you keep doing the same thing. Only doing something different will reap different results. When you create a rut for yourself, draw lines, impose conditions that are impossible to follow and dig in, that's exactly where you will find yourself years, maybe even decades later. Setting your actions and reactions in stone will only make your life harder. It will bury you. A change.... will do you good.

2. Getting a new attitude

Attitude really is everything. If you're struggling, remember, so is every other person you encounter. Struggles teach. They are a necessary part of life. Be grateful for them. Embrace them. Use them to strengthen your spirit. Oh, you can complain about them if you wish, I suppose. But that will do nothing to improve your situation.

Now, I don't pretend to be all knowing. Not by any stretch. I am highly imperfect. Highly. I have been known to lose my temper. But I know that when I focus on the positive aspects of a situation, things improve for me so I try to do that the majority of the time.

I also know that when I'm stubborn and refuse to budge or insist on doing things my way, I fail miserably. By the same token, when I put a smile on my face, move forward and embrace new perspectives, my life improves.

Folks, it took me longer than most to get to this realization. And I still have a long, long way to go too!

That's why I empathize with those who are not there yet.

It makes me sad that I can't pass this information on to those who need to hear it most. I know this because, believe me, I have tried. I'm not one to give up on people. It just isn't in me. Problem is, if they're not ready to hear it or act on it there's nothing I can do.

If they refuse to open themselves up to anything that anyone else has to say, they won't hear it. No one heals until they see their own issues and make positive changes. That has to be their decision.

That's why I'm at peace with it. Because there's not a darn thing I can or should do. It's their prerogative. But it certainly is the saddest thing to witness their self destruction and not be able to get through to them.

It certainly is #Sad.

The last to be chosen

Here's something a little unique that I find myself being at peace with. But the most unique thing is the reason for my peace. You see, I never even wanted to be on the team in the first place. Any team. At all. Ever.

This is one of those cases where someone posts something I notice while scrolling through my Facebook page. This post was about adults taking responsibility for making sure kids aren't left out. I agree. However, I have to say, some kids don't want to be “in” and I was one of those kids.

I was picked last for teams too, but honestly, never been a team person anyway and I was out of my element when I belonged to groups. I just don't have that kind of mentality. Clubs and teams, church, whatever... It all feels too cult-ish for me. Some of us enjoy being left alone.

I thought being picked last was awful as a kid but I'm at peace with being left out now, at the age of 59. Wandering thought, I'm also at peace with being 59. In fact, I'm pretty much at peace with everything about myself. I don't overly dote on me, me, me. But I'm OK with me. I'm even OK with seeing my worst facial expressions and my fat arms in pictures.

Because, who cares? But more importantly, being that all star with the “perfect” figure and the “perfect” life just isn't who I am or even who I was, as a kid. I enjoyed reading for hours upon hours, just as much as those other kids enjoyed being prom king or queen, head cheerleader or whatever their deal was. My deal was being at peace, even then. And what brought me the most peace was just being myself.

As I got older and started working for a living, I was a hard worker, for sure. I was a worker bee. Yes, I got promotions. But, I never really fit in to the management mold. Because, once again, I always found it strange, the whole belonging to a team thing. It just didn't suit me. The money was nice, though. LOL Everyone needs money, right?

I've never been one to shop till I drop, either. I prefer a simple life. No fame and fortune. No glory guts. No party like a rock star. None of that appeals to me in the least. I was always meant to be exactly who I am. And not only am I OK with it, I love it!

Being OK with being chosen last is liberating. I don't have to dress to impress, shoot to thrill or any of what I feel is crazy nonsense. I take pride in who I am. I do the right thing. I excel at some things. I don't at others. And I have never been and never will be a superstar. Well, maybe I'm a superstar Grandma. LOL

And hey, if you're the type of person who enjoys being chosen first, good for you. Go for it. Personally, though, I enjoy fading into the background where it's quiet and the pressure is off. It's who I was meant to be and it just feels like the right fit.

At peace with being the underdog. No cape required.