When the helper needs help

I am a helper. I love that about myself. Wouldn't change it if I could. Every morning I get up with a purpose. That purpose is to bring happiness into the lives of others and create a home environment that's conducive to that end. Proud of it. Happy with it. At peace with my role. But... You knew there was a but, didn't you? Sometimes this helper wishes someone would help her just a bit more.

Now, maybe my standards of what needs doing are a little different than those of the average person. Maybe I'm expecting helper qualities and viewpoints from non-helpers. Maybe that's the problem. Or maybe people are just so used to me taking on all the unpleasant responsibilities that they just don't see that I'm not invincible. Do you blame them? I mean, I am pretty awesome. Kind of hard to top me in the help department. And I'm so modest too.

Anyway.... Here's the thing. Believe it or not, there are things that I just can't do for whatever reason. Gasp! And even though I'm practically perfect in every way, I'm not always so Mary Poppins when it comes to my attitude, either. In other words, I get really ticked off sometimes. And nothing makes me more angry than bending over backwards for people who don't return the favor or at least make half an effort to lend a hand.

I have to stop here and say that there are absolutely people in my life who DO help and quite a bit!

By contrast, there are also those who always have a ready, seemingly plausible, yet actually lame and overused excuse for not helping me. Or those who act like the 5 minute task they did is medal worthy. Or those “adults” who have to be told what their responsibilities entail.

Because guess what all those repetitive excuses mean to me? They mean that the complainer knows very well that help is needed and they have no intention of giving it. Now, how on earth do I know that? I know it because I know that the impossible is always possible if you want it badly enough. If they wanted it badly enough, or recognized that it needed doing, they'd be working right alongside me without any nudging.

I was a single parent of 3 for many years, working 2 and sometimes 3 jobs when necessary, with a chronic illness I couldn't afford to go to the doctor for. Still, I managed to come home and rock the home-front too. Was I tired? You betcha! Did I hurt? You betcha! Cried myself to sleep from the pain many nights. Never got to sleep at all some nights. Got up the next day and went to work anyway. But things got done. I took care of my shit and no one else had to step in it. Still do. Proud of it. Earned everything I have that has come from it. Earned my rest and my peace many times over.

Maybe it's unfair of me to expect that same level of conviction, that same fighter spirit, that same work ethic from everyone. Or not. Because frankly, I had and have a whole lot more limitations to conquer than most people will ever experience. And yet, I continually sacrificed and continue to sacrifice my needs for the greater good. No excuses!

Every single day of my life is spent gladly helping others. Yes, gladly. I never regret a minute of what I have done for those around me and I never will.

However, I do reserve the right to be angry at the excuse makers. Because, no matter what they may say, their actions (or lack of actions) reveal how little they appreciate the hard work of those around them. In fact, from my helper mentality fueled, highly responsible viewpoint, some people's life purpose seems to be avoiding all the work they possibly can, taking the easy way out and forcing other people to take up the slack so they can just kick back and do nothing (or as little as humanly possible) while watching the rest of us knock ourselves out to save their lazy asses from the inevitable failure that comes from said laziness.

And I'm not special or better than anyone. I'm not the only one out here kicking butt on a daily basis, am I? There are many others. Maybe you are one. Kudos to you! Maybe you know one. If so, please, give them a break. They're trying to help you to the best of their ability. Pick up after yourself. Thoroughly. So no one has to go behind you and finish the job. Lend them a hand with the heavy loads. And most importantly, do both without being asked to and without complaint.

Because, believe it or not, helpers do not enjoy reminding people to help them. They don't make excuses. They don't want to hear yours either. They shouldn't be be made to feel guilty every time you help them. They have enough on their plates. And chances are, they've done more in the last hour than most people do all week. So, keep your pity party to yourself. Just help the helpers. They need it They deserve it. They earned it. And most importantly, it's good for you too. You'll be happier for having accomplished something unselfishly and without regret.

Trust me, I know. I do it daily. And it rocks!

At peace with my helper self. Appreciated, compensated or not. I'm OK by me. Still, a little help would be nice. Pretty please?