Working on myself

I once read that rather than judging ourselves by our monetary or educational progress, we should focus on our character and demeanor. Because achieving good character and a pleasant demeanor is the true hallmark of success. I believe that to be a reasonable premise. Therefore, I'm constantly working on being a better person, whatever that is. Although, some days, my actions make me question whether I've progressed at all, or ever will.

Realizing that I'm not perfect now and likely never will be gives me both inspiration and pause.

There's certainly much room for improvement. I won't be bored in my pursuit.

On the other hand, if I'm never going to reach my goal to perfect my character, what exactly is it that I'm hoping to gain?

And does it really matter in the end? I mean, here I am, this tiny little speck in an infinitesimal universe among many other infinitesimal universes. Maybe I should just enjoy the pursuit of happiness, like most sane people and be done with it.

Problem is, that's not my way. I have to make things difficult for myself by having principles and such. Now, I'm not sure if that makes me smart or a complete idiot. Either way, though, it's a huge part of who I am that I simply cannot let go.

So the peaceful path, for me, is a moral one. A journey toward doing less harm to others, none when humanly possibly. I try my best to do what I feel is the right thing. Of course, that is not to say that I am always successful. In fact, at this point, it's about 70/30 at best. Because, as it turns out, well, I'm not always the great example I strive to be.

I keep hearing that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Right. Like that's going to happen. It's impossible to make improvements while simultaneously ignoring the fact that you're a bit of an asshole sometimes. As my brother has told me, if you can't look yourself in the mirror and accept the bad, well, there's no reason to improve, is there?

Now, the way I dole out advice sometimes, one might assume that I have got a handle on everything. Let me assure you, that is not the case. Sure, I give great advice. Mainly that's because I have made just about every mistake possible and have no delusions about my future capability for making more.

It really is a journey, my friends. And like most human beings, I'm not very far along on my chosen path. Still, it's enough for me to know that I'm making gradual progress in what I believe to be the right direction. I hope.