I'm OK with being fine

I'm fine. That's what you often hear from most people with chronic illness. I'm at complete peace with telling people I'm fine when I'm not. So are a lot of us. It's a big, fat lie though and I'm not the type to lie. So why am I OK with it?

Well, the biggest reason is that I don't want others to suffer with me, worry about me or spend sleepless nights wondering if I'm OK. Also, I don't want them to know how horrible this is for me. When people don't understand my illness, that's a good thing, in a way. Because that means they don't have it.

Because frankly, folks, unless you have one of these monstrous conditions, clawing at you, night and day, it's impossible to imagine what it's like. No amount of graphic description is going to be enough to get that across to a healthy person.

And I like that. That is, I like knowing that the people around me don't experience what I do on a daily basis. I'm so happy for them to NOT have this or any other chronic illness. Oh, there are a few that do. Those are the ones I talk to about it. But even though I'm glad to have someone to talk to, I wish that I didn't. Because that would mean all of my loved ones were healthy.

Wouldn't that be awesome?

I'm at peace with just being fine and leaving it at that. Because I'm OK with other people not suffering along with me.