Saturday, January 23, 2016

Are Vampires Really Sexy?

Oh, ya, he's a cutie alright. NOT!
Do you think vampires are sexy? Waiting for your chance to be ravaged? Harboring fantasies of living forever? Love the taste of blood on your luscious lips? Are vampires really sexy? Let's think about it a bit before you become the next woman of the dark. Just what is it that you think is so sexy about vampires?

Being ravaged by vampires is sexy? Seriously, I would love to get my hands on the movie producer who first conjured up the idea that women love to be treated like that inane Scarlett O'Hara in the movie Gone with the Wind. "Oh Rhett, you make me swoon!" Barf-a Rama! Sorry fellas, I have a mind of my own and I like to use it. Sink your teeth in to some brainless idiot, I'm running for the hills!
Having sex with a vampire while he sucks your blood is sexy? Call me old fashioned, but I prefer not to bleed out while having sex. It kind of puts a damper on the whole experience. Might work for our friend Scarlett who enjoys swooning so much but I'm just not going for it. Besides, I'm thinking you probably pass out prior to the main event anyway, so what's the point? Plus you have those nasty sheets to change in the morning.

Contracting AIDS is sexy? Hello, is anyone home? This is the age of AIDS people! How is AIDS contracted? By passing blood or bodily fluids from one person to the next. This happens through transfusion, needle sharing, sex and possibly sucking other peoples blood into your digestive system. Think about it. If vampires do exist, chances are they'll all be carrying AIDS.

Do vampires look sexy? Sorry, but I find a little color appealing in a man. Washed out white with a hint of green and black circles under the eyes is not my idea of sexy. Nor do I find fangs appealing. Particularly when they are about to tear open my neck and suck out my blood. I think it might hurt a little. What do you think? Are vampires still sexy to you?

Living forever as a vampire is sexy? Oh sure. Immortality sounds great on the surface. Forget for the moment all the trials in life that make us downright exhausted by the time we reach seventy. What will your eternal life as a sexy vampire be like? Sleeping in a coffin, being chased by pitchfork toting townsfolk, having to depend on sucking necks for survival? I'm claustrophobic, can't run and have trouble swatting flies! No thank-you!

Having a stake plunged through your heart is sexy?
OK now let's cut to the chase. No matter how good of a vampire you are, you will not live forever. How do all vampires die? Well, someone whose loved one they have ravaged and possibly killed finds them sleeping peacefully in their coffin one day and plunges a stake through their heart, grinding and twisting until they are certainly dead beyond argument. Then they explode into the ashes they should have become hundreds of years ago. I don't know about you but that isn't what I have in mind when I say, "I want to go peacefully in my sleep". Being a vampire is not sexy, it's stupid!

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